I Had No Idea

I’ve seen a lot of memes on Facebook that say we should be kind because we never know what others are going through. Frankly, I never gave that too much thought. For 25 years, I was in a rocky marriage. There was a lot of screaming, but never any physical violence. We had the usual teenaged angst with our kids, but no physical violence. Still, I always thought I had terrible problems at home, and I couldn’t see past my own issues to understand those of anyone else. If my co-workers came to work looking fine, then I thought they were fine.

Someone in my county started live streaming a scanner on Facebook, so I thought I’d have a listen. Last night, a child called 911 and said her mother was acting crazy toward the kids and had a knife. The child said the mom had come at them with a knife before. At the same time this was going on, a mother-in-law called in and said her son-in-law was suicidal, and she heard him cock a pistol. A couple of nights ago, a mother called and said she and her husband were sitting in the car at the entry to their subdivision because their son was threatening to kill them and they were afraid.

I’m assuming the family members in these situations went to work and school this morning and tried to act like nothing significant had happened last night. They may encounter a teacher who gives them detention for not having their homework to turn in. They may snap on phone calls with customers and get fired. They may be rude to friends and cause strained relationships. All of these things on top of what happened last night may break them or cause them to snap. Chances are, there will be more domestic violence, and maybe even workplace violence.

Now I have a better understanding of what the memes on Facebook are saying. I really don’t know what others are going through. When someone posts a picture of their new car, maybe it’s a gift after a violent outburst. With enlightenmet comes responsibility.

Conspiracy Theorist or Open-Minded

Why is “conspiracy theory” such a bad thing? Especially since COVID-19 started, people throw the term around like it’s bad. Anything people don’t like or don’t agree with suddenly becomes a “conspiracy theory.” But is it? Crazy things happen. Haven’t we all read something that sounded so weird and crazy that if we had heard of the possibility of it happening we would have chalked it up to conspiracy theory? I have. I read a lot of true crime books, so I see what people are capable of doing.

I’ve been following the disappearance of a local young man for over a year. His car was found with the headlights still on, but he left everything behind, even his clothes, shoes, and watch. I belong to a couple of communities of people who toss around ideas of what could have happened to this young man. One guy posted that he didn’t want to hear anything about alien abductions or cults. I’m not entertaining the thought that aliens abducted him for a year and never brought him back, but in my head cults are not out of the realm of possibility.

Cults are a real thing. They do exist. They also use unscrupulous methods to attract – or force – new members into the cult. Another young man was kidnapped by some cult members about 50 miles from where this young man disappeared close to the same time, but he managed to escape. Why do some people think cult abductions are so far-fetched that they don’t even want to consider the possibility?

Some may think I’m too open-minded, but I like to consider all possibilities in any situation. I’ve seen some weird stuff. It seems like the majority of people can only consider simple explanations. I do realize that it usually is just the simple explanation, but sometimes it’s not. An hour before this young man disappeared, he was talking about spiritual enlightenment and a couple of extreme ways to reach it. Maybe he wasn’t kidnapped by a cult. Maybe he joined one of his own accord. Maybe he started his own cult. His father is the pastor of a church, so he has seen people invited into a religious organization before and all the effort that goes into keeping parishioners. Just a thought.

I’m going to put on my little tin foil hat and see what other ideas come to me.

Perfectionism is a Disease

I’m on a little rant today about perfectionism. It’s my personal opinion that perfectionism is a disease. It not only affects the perfectionist, but it affects everyone they touch.


  1. Someone currently in my life is a perfectionist. She has extremely high expectations of herself, which is fine with me, but she also has the same expectations of others, including me. Her expectations give rise to micromanagement of everyone around her. When something doesn’t go exactly as as she expects she lashes out at everyone in her vicinity. If anyone doesn’t agree with her, she implies they are lacking because they don’t see the issue. I’m pretty laid back. I don’t take on other people’s issues, so she insinuates frequently that I just don’t understand. Well, I’m not taking on her opinions either. I see this as her problem and not mine. She can address it with her therapist.
  2. Two people in my past life (no longer a problem for me) were perfectionists. The problem is that they had no expectations of themselves. They wanted everyone else to be perfect. These two were so toxic. They screamed at others throughout each day and physically abused others.
  3. I have a friend who is a life coach. While getting her business started, she decided to hold a series of three group meetings of ladies from our church to demonstrate her services. There were about 15 women who attended the meetings. They spent the whole time whining and teary-eyed as they poured their hearts out about feeling like they always have to be perfect. Their house, kids, husbands, themselves all have to be perfect all the time or they feel judged. I couldn’t deal with this group. I didn’t identify with anything they were saying. There was a similar women’s Sunday school group.
  4. I was once helping a few ladies decorate a Christmas tree in a public place. While we were placing ornaments on the tree, one of the ladies kept talking about what a perfectionist she is – like this made her feel superior to others. She talked about how when decorating her tree at home, she would move everyone else’s ornaments to “better locations” so the tree would be perfect. I asked her if she would be moving my ornaments after I left. She said she would be moving them. I handed her my basket of ornaments and told her that since she would be relocating my ornaments anyway that she might as well just put them all on herself. I left and took another lady with me. I’m not going to waste my time doing things that are going to be unappreciated and re-done by a perfectionist who thinks she can do it better than I can.

I’m no doctor…oh wait, yes I am…but not of the medical variety, but the perfectionists are their own problem, not the world. They have unreasonable expectations, and they make others miserable.

This person who is currently in my life is only temporary, so it’s just a matter of temporarily keeping my thoughts on track and not allowing her to make my day bad.

It would be great if everyone had the ability to see themselves as they are seen by the world. It may not even matter though because sometimes they are deliberately mean to others and see themselves as being justified in their behavior.

Here are a few books. I like books.